(This poem is dedicated to all those who are or have been in abusive relationships. My heart goes out to all of you beautiful people.)
I've been nothing
But a slave to your debauched desires
Your sole possession, your marionette
Benumbed by the deceit,
The manipulation veiled
Beneath your soft artist's touch...
And a touch that endeavours to sabotage
The most beautiful of all silhouettes
Is the touch of the irresistible...
Just like you...
For I was left powerless, forlorn of all hope,
As your hands designed my fate,
With one subtle caress at a time...
With one stage of seduction at a time...
Those gifted hands
Carved me so delicately
Into the figurine of a burlesque doll
Faceless, stripped of an identity
Dehumanised, to gratify your intentions.
My wooden frame,
Varnished by your blood,
The paint of passion, the lacquer of love,
Coated upon my skin as a bittersweet glaze...
Every brittle limb,
Webbed with strings
Bound tightly by intricate knots
To the tips of your fingers...
Leaving me with no scope to let you go...
So with my dangling body obeying every jerk, pull and tug
I danced at your humble service...
Spinning around in pirouettes
Circling your fingers with lithe ballerina twirls
Whirling with servitude as your seething heart guided me...
And with every tug, I defied with desperation
Heaving away from your direction
Eager to unhitch the ties that bind us
But no strength, did I have
To sever the leash of love
That adheres me to you...
No courage did I have
To repel against your will
And withdraw from the abuse...
My love for you,
Undermined every eye of disapproval
With the powers of faith,
But never able to tame
The demon of a heart
Swathed inside of your chest.
For you are
And always have been
A mere object I was to you...
And nothing more...
Just a lifeless figure,
Deprived of human senses,
I danced just for you,
Along a razor's edge
The stage that impaled my feet
With every leap of faith I took
As your lover, as your marionette...
Marks of mutilation,
Scars of exploitation,
Stayed hidden behind the blinding spotlight
My soundless screams, fell upon deaf ears
The signals of despair, unseen by the crowd...
A blind audience, they were
Unable to detect the true character
Concealed behind the covert mask
You fabricated with textured lies
And done so with incontestable skill...
Neither the role you played,
Nor the role you'd forced me to play
Was seen as a scripted act...
The spectators, blissfully unaware
That they were being used as the props
To the scenes of your theatrical performance.
And so for years,
I'd been dreaming of the day
That my love for you
Will no longer constrain me...
The moment I will no longer be the broken toy
Locked in the chamber of your palm...
The moment I will break free
From the burdens of love's fallacy,
And dance only the dance of liberty...
The moment that I at last, will be free to choose...
Petal by petal, with nature's blessing
My own fate.
And although I see my worthlessness reflect from your eyes...
The pain only ever subsides
When you whisper the lie
"I still love you...my precious doll"
[Only then does the agony vanish in a heartbeat...
Until the next time...
You do it all over again.
And one day, your lies will shine upon the sins you buried with me in my grave.]